Rogers Brees Newton & Manning

Scoring TDs so you don't have to

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WEEK 3 UPDATE!!
Hi folks, here’s the week 3 update! I’m making this one shorter than usual so you can get back to watching the week 4 games.
Harbaughlls Deep v. Foster the People67.87 - 91.72
Foster goes deep over Harbaughlls, actually getting a good game from Newton. Of course, the only other players to go into double digits for Foster were Nelson (only barely) and Prater, so things aren’t peachy, but a win’s a win. Harbaughlls had great games from the running backs, but when your QB is outscored by 25 and only 2 of your players are in double digits, you’re in trouble. Harbaughlls drops to 2-1 and 6th, Foster picks up his first win and is in 10th.
Simon’s Team v. Wait… what?83.71 - 98.25
Simon falls to Anita in this expansion team matchup. It was an even matchup with both teams not setting their lineup gambling on players that weren’t quite ready, but Wait… came out on top. Brees was dominant and Peterson shined. Tate and Bryant chipped in too. Jamaal Charles ran all over Philly and Chicago scored a bunch against PIttsburg, but Finley was shut out and Ryan couldn’t make up the deficit. Wait… is now 2-1 and up to 5th, while Simon falls to 1-2 and 9th place.
Third Down Punters v. Ayoba83.75 - 113.47
The Punters fall to Ayoba in a not very close game. Antonio Brown scored a whole gob of points, with Decker and Forte and Green Bay also scoring big. Romo and Cincy showed up for the Punters, but most of the rest of the team was kind of stinky. The Punters fall to 0-3 and last place while Ayoba moves on up to 2-1 and 4th.
Concussion 4 Russian v. YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!91.72 - 87.91
Concussion squeaks out the victory in what was the close game of the week. PASS attempted a comeback on Monday Night but fell short. No one player stood out for either team, though Lynch, Sproles, Foster and Edelman were all disappointing. It was supposed to be a  high scoring affair (projected totals of 111 to 100), but was kind of a dud. Pierce has been looking good in replacement of Rice though. And somehow Gates keeps scoring. Concussion is up to 2-1 and in 3rd, while PASS slides to 1-2 and 7th.
Rafi Bombs v. ColDukeLacrosse91.71 - 107.93
Interesting note: Rafi scored the most points amongst losing teams, but scored less than every winning team. This was one of the rare weeks where the 6 highest scoring teams all outscored the 6 losing teams. But it was close. Two teams scored 91.72, only .01 more than Rafi. Rafi had damn fine games from Jordan Cameron and Russell Wilson, but no one else stepped up. Rafi still had a 30 point lead heading into Monday night, but Manning and Welker quickly made short work of that. ColDuke improves to 3-0 and is in 1st; Rafi is at 1-2 and in 8th.
I Hate Brady v. Chicken Bo Jangles116.74 - 60.57
And with our Big Game of the Week and our Crap Game of the Week, and also our Blowout of the Week, I Hate Brady completely demolished Bo Jangles. Bo Jangles got some points from Brady and Morris, but 3 positions combined for 1.27 points and the bottom 5 positions only had 10.5 points. That’s not a winning combo. Brady had a huge game from Murray and Stafford did well too. V-Jax and Davis weren’t good, but it was enough for 116 points and a 56 point margin of victory. Brady is at 2-1 and in second; Bo Jangles slips to 1-2 and 11th.
WEEKLY AWARDS
Girthy Player of the Week: Drew Brees. The Third QB to win the award, Brees really showed his stuff in passing all over Arizona. He had 342 yards in the air for 3 TDs (1 INT), but also scrambled for 21 yards and another TD. His complete performance earned him 32.78 points. (HMs: Newton, Antontio Brown)
Goat of the Week: Arian Foster. He wasn’t shut out, with 5.77 points, but his poor performance cost PASS the win, and only helped his real team to 9 points. At this point, Ben Tate actually looks like the better RB. The stat I heard this past week was that Ben Tate is averaging more yards after contact than Foster is averaging on his entire runs. Ouch. For a guy touted as still a first round fantasy pick, Foster has sure been a disappointment.  (HM: Kaepernick)
Bench Team of the Week: Solely by virtue of pure points scored, ColDuke gets it. The early pickup of Kansas City got a ton of points, plus Dalton, Jackson, and Shorts did pretty well. Could have gotten ColDuke into the 120’s at least, with a perfect lineup, but it’s surprising that most of those points on the bench wouldn’t have actually improved him that much.
WRAP UP
Again, I’m inviting anyone who can come to my place to watch the Hawks take on the Titans at 1pm on Oct 13 (Week 6). Text me if you are interested.
Also, please pay me when you can. If you’re not paid by the end of Week 6, I’m locking your roster so you cannot make any transactions.
AS A REMINDER, teams are limited in the number of transactions they can make, to 32 for the season. Please keep that in mind when adjusting your lineups. Also your $100 waiver budget. Don’t spend it all at once!
Good luck this week.

-Commish TK

WEEK 3 UPDATE!!


Hi folks, here’s the week 3 update! I’m making this one shorter than usual so you can get back to watching the week 4 games.


Harbaughlls Deep v. Foster the People
67.87 - 91.72


Foster goes deep over Harbaughlls, actually getting a good game from Newton. Of course, the only other players to go into double digits for Foster were Nelson (only barely) and Prater, so things aren’t peachy, but a win’s a win. Harbaughlls had great games from the running backs, but when your QB is outscored by 25 and only 2 of your players are in double digits, you’re in trouble. Harbaughlls drops to 2-1 and 6th, Foster picks up his first win and is in 10th.

Simon’s Team v. Wait… what?
83.71 - 98.25

Simon falls to Anita in this expansion team matchup. It was an even matchup with both teams not setting their lineup gambling on players that weren’t quite ready, but Wait… came out on top. Brees was dominant and Peterson shined. Tate and Bryant chipped in too. Jamaal Charles ran all over Philly and Chicago scored a bunch against PIttsburg, but Finley was shut out and Ryan couldn’t make up the deficit. Wait… is now 2-1 and up to 5th, while Simon falls to 1-2 and 9th place.

Third Down Punters v. Ayoba
83.75 - 113.47

The Punters fall to Ayoba in a not very close game. Antonio Brown scored a whole gob of points, with Decker and Forte and Green Bay also scoring big. Romo and Cincy showed up for the Punters, but most of the rest of the team was kind of stinky. The Punters fall to 0-3 and last place while Ayoba moves on up to 2-1 and 4th.

Concussion 4 Russian v. YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!
91.72 - 87.91

Concussion squeaks out the victory in what was the close game of the week. PASS attempted a comeback on Monday Night but fell short. No one player stood out for either team, though Lynch, Sproles, Foster and Edelman were all disappointing. It was supposed to be a  high scoring affair (projected totals of 111 to 100), but was kind of a dud. Pierce has been looking good in replacement of Rice though. And somehow Gates keeps scoring. Concussion is up to 2-1 and in 3rd, while PASS slides to 1-2 and 7th.

Rafi Bombs v. ColDukeLacrosse
91.71 - 107.93

Interesting note: Rafi scored the most points amongst losing teams, but scored less than every winning team. This was one of the rare weeks where the 6 highest scoring teams all outscored the 6 losing teams. But it was close. Two teams scored 91.72, only .01 more than Rafi. Rafi had damn fine games from Jordan Cameron and Russell Wilson, but no one else stepped up. Rafi still had a 30 point lead heading into Monday night, but Manning and Welker quickly made short work of that. ColDuke improves to 3-0 and is in 1st; Rafi is at 1-2 and in 8th.

I Hate Brady v. Chicken Bo Jangles
116.74 - 60.57

And with our Big Game of the Week and our Crap Game of the Week, and also our Blowout of the Week, I Hate Brady completely demolished Bo Jangles. Bo Jangles got some points from Brady and Morris, but 3 positions combined for 1.27 points and the bottom 5 positions only had 10.5 points. That’s not a winning combo. Brady had a huge game from Murray and Stafford did well too. V-Jax and Davis weren’t good, but it was enough for 116 points and a 56 point margin of victory. Brady is at 2-1 and in second; Bo Jangles slips to 1-2 and 11th.

WEEKLY AWARDS

Girthy Player of the Week: Drew Brees. The Third QB to win the award, Brees really showed his stuff in passing all over Arizona. He had 342 yards in the air for 3 TDs (1 INT), but also scrambled for 21 yards and another TD. His complete performance earned him 32.78 points. (HMs: Newton, Antontio Brown)

Goat of the Week: Arian Foster. He wasn’t shut out, with 5.77 points, but his poor performance cost PASS the win, and only helped his real team to 9 points. At this point, Ben Tate actually looks like the better RB. The stat I heard this past week was that Ben Tate is averaging more yards after contact than Foster is averaging on his entire runs. Ouch. For a guy touted as still a first round fantasy pick, Foster has sure been a disappointment.  (HM: Kaepernick)

Bench Team of the Week: Solely by virtue of pure points scored, ColDuke gets it. The early pickup of Kansas City got a ton of points, plus Dalton, Jackson, and Shorts did pretty well. Could have gotten ColDuke into the 120’s at least, with a perfect lineup, but it’s surprising that most of those points on the bench wouldn’t have actually improved him that much.

WRAP UP

Again, I’m inviting anyone who can come to my place to watch the Hawks take on the Titans at 1pm on Oct 13 (Week 6). Text me if you are interested.

Also, please pay me when you can. If you’re not paid by the end of Week 6, I’m locking your roster so you cannot make any transactions.

AS A REMINDER, teams are limited in the number of transactions they can make, to 32 for the season. Please keep that in mind when adjusting your lineups. Also your $100 waiver budget. Don’t spend it all at once!

Good luck this week.

-Commish TK

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WEEK 2 UPDATE
We are now officially through two weeks of Fantasy Football. I’d throw fancy stats at you about how no fantasy team has started 0-2 in the past 4 years and made the playoffs or something like that, but I don’t know if that’s true in our leagues, so I hope you guys are doing okay. **Checks stats and standings** YEESH, looks like some of you are just not very good. I don’t think a single draft pick has worked out well for Foster and man, Bo Jangles, that’s a pretty bad point total. You’re going to have to average well more than 77 points a week if you’re even going to make it into the consolation round.
ANYWAY, first up I want to take care of some BUSINESS. I have only received payment from approximately half of the teams in the league. The rest of you, please pay up soon. Best place to do so is through my PayPal: agtk@live.com. I’d also take cash in person (more on this in a bit). As a reminder, league fee is $25. If I recall correctly, no one protested my proposed breakdown of payout, so we’ll go with that.
$150 to first, $75 to second, $25 to third (this is how it was in the past). New this year will be $25 to the winner of the consolation bracket, and a $25 bonus to whoever gets the most regular season points (not record).
My favorite part about this setup? Someone could theoretically get first overall with a crazy 10-4 record, but maybe second in points scored overall, then lose two straight playoff games and finish in 4th. That person, who otherwise had a stellar year, gets $0. Tough, cupcake.
If anyone has major issues with that breakdown then piss off, I’m running the league, sugar go ahead and let us know your preference with a league message or something.
If you don’t pay by week 6, I’m locking your team so you cannot make any transfers.Your team will be unlocked when you pay in full. You know who you are.
Also, I plan on hosting a few watch parties at my place down in Renton this year. Kate and I are no longer living in a rat hole that barely has enough room for two people to sit down. The new place can host parties, so I’m taking advantage of it and inviting everyone who can come. First up? Come out and watch the Seahawks maul the Titans in week 6 (October 13, afternoon game). I’ll have more info on this later, but send me a text if you want to come.
Anyway, let’s get to the games!
Harbaughlls Deep v. Wait… what?84.38 - 77.42
This was kind of a pillowfight, with Wait having the poor game of the week. It was a fairly understandable statline by Wait, since two of her players were hobbled by injuries. Fitzgerald was only able to catch two balls, while Lacy was literally knocked out of the game with a concussion/head injury. Of course, Brees had a bunch of struggles in Tampa Bay and AP somehow did not score a TD this week, so it wasn’t just the injuries, but they certainly didn’t help. Harbaughlls had a great game from Wallace (I guess complainers win sometimes?) and solid ones from Cruz and McCoy, on what was otherwise a forgettable day. Starting Kaepernick against Seattle’s D in Seattle was maybe a foolish choice, but one that didn’t doom Harbaughlls (I guess you gotta stay true to your namesake). Harbaughlls moves up to 2-0 while Wait ends up with the glut of teams at 1-1.
I Hate Brady v. YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!108.08 - 77.71
PASS gets the loss in the other bad game of the week (just .4 better than Wait), sending Brady on to her first win of the year. PASS just had a bad week all over the roster. Luck, Foster, and New England held up their ends of the deal, but the rest was a mess. Bush, of course, was injured, but it didn’t help that he kept trying to play and lost a fumble. Just sit down and don’t kill yourself, man. On the other side, Brady benefited from great days by the Seattle D and Megatron (that’s more like it, dude!), with Bryant and Stafford stepping up to cover for the RB on IR (I’m watching you Jane…). Both teams are now at 1-1.
Third Down Punters v. Chicken Bo Jangles79.06 - 79.93
This week’s Close Game of the Week was a couple of pillows duking it out. Less than a point separated the teams, with San Francisco’s defense doing just enough to pass the Punters and Boldin for the victory on Sunday night (the Punters are going to have bad dreams about Sherman for awhile). Brandon Marshall was the only player who really did well. Both the QBs struggled, each team had a decent and a poor RB, and the receivers didn’t do anything special. This was a case of “someone has to win it, even if neither particularly deserves it.” But these games happen, and Bo Jangles put out a better team, if only slightly better. Congrats. Bo Jangles moves up to 1-1, the Punters are at 0-2. They are 10th and 11th, respectively.
Rafi Bombs v. Foster the People107.25 - 90.86
Rafi takes out Foster in this relatively boring matchup. Foster had good enough games from Newton, Nelson, and Austin, but the RBs didn’t show up and Celek was somehow completely MIA from the Eagle’s 30-point offensive showing against SD. Rafi had a weak day from Wilson but made up for it with D-Jax, Cobb, and Martin. It was just kind of a game that happened, that Rafi happened to win. Neither the Sunday night nor the Monday night game really affected the final outcome. Ho hum. Rafi improved to 1-1 while Foster is sadly in last place at 0-2.
ColDukeLacrosse v. Ayoba119.31 - 115.97
These two powerhouses had a strong clash with ColDuke barely coming out the winner. Ayoba was led by a huge game from Rodgers, with Forte and Bennett (both from Chicago) giving great supporting performances. Gore had a pretty poor game in Seattle though. ColDuke used a big game from Graham to star in a complete performance as only Austin did not score in the double digits. ColDuke’s superior RB2 and Defense did enough to overcome Rodgers’s big day to earn the win. ColDuke powers to first with a 2-0 record, while Ayoba languishes at 1-1 and 8th place.
Concussion 4 Russian v. Simon’s Team134.20 - 85.12
Concussion earns our Big Game of the Week in a huge beatdown of Simon’s squad. Simon’s guys didn’t do too bad, with Ryan, Charles, and Finley especially doing well. But Amendola was out again while White and Green failed to deliver. Concussion had the highest score of the week, but you’re not even going to challenge if your WRs can only put 8ish points combined on the board. Concussion scored so much mostly because of Beast Mode’s dismantling of the Niners in the second half, as he piled up 98 rush yards with 2 TDs and 3 catches for 37 yards and another TD. Those poor Californian souls, having to deal with so much noise, what a pity. (you’ll want to click that link) Griffin and Garcon were garbage time stars in a completely futile comeback effort, and Julio Jones showed why he’s now the man in ATL. Edelman wasn’t bad either. Concussion earns his first win to go to 1-1 and sits in 3rd place; Simon falls to 1-1 and sits in 7th.
WEEKLY AWARDS
Girthy Player of the Week: Aaron Rodgers. I suspect we may be seeing his name here often. Guy threw for 480 yards and 4 TDs (-3 yards rushing though) with no INTs. That put up 34.90 points. Pretty fantastic. (HMs: Vick had 34.39 points, a very close second; also Lynch)
Goat of the Week: Frank Gore. Now, I know, I know, his line didn’t give him any help, his QB didn’t give him any help, and he was on the road against the best defense in the league, but come on. You wanna be the lead back for a team that went to the Super Bowl last year, on a team formerly known for it’s superb running game? Well, you ain’t going to last long if you’re only gaining 1.8 yards per carry on 9 tries and you can only catch a single pass after being targeted 3 times. The Niners had a shot in this game if they could have gotten some points in the first half and done anything on offense in the second, but Gore was just bad. Shot his team in the foot and Ayoba’s chances in the foot. (Ray Rice would have earned it but I don’t know how much of his badness against Cleveland was due to his injury. I know he missed most of the 4th quarter, but his YPC was pretty bad before then too).
Bench Team of the Week: Chicken Bo Jangles. Not only did this bench outscore all other benches this week, the bench outscored Bo Jangles’ starters. Fortunately for Bo Jangles he still earned the win, or else it’d be a good case of woulda, coulda, shoulda. Moreno and Mendenhall were way better than MJD and Morris; Schaub definitely outshined Brady; and Jones led all of his WRs in scoring. A win’s a win, though. (HM: Concussion—because of course the highest scoring team had the 2nd highest scoring bench)
That’s about all for this week folks. Please set your lineups before tomorrow morning, get your payments in, and have fun.

WEEK 2 UPDATE

We are now officially through two weeks of Fantasy Football. I’d throw fancy stats at you about how no fantasy team has started 0-2 in the past 4 years and made the playoffs or something like that, but I don’t know if that’s true in our leagues, so I hope you guys are doing okay. **Checks stats and standings** YEESH, looks like some of you are just not very good. I don’t think a single draft pick has worked out well for Foster and man, Bo Jangles, that’s a pretty bad point total. You’re going to have to average well more than 77 points a week if you’re even going to make it into the consolation round.

ANYWAY, first up I want to take care of some BUSINESS. I have only received payment from approximately half of the teams in the league. The rest of you, please pay up soon. Best place to do so is through my PayPal: agtk@live.com. I’d also take cash in person (more on this in a bit). As a reminder, league fee is $25. If I recall correctly, no one protested my proposed breakdown of payout, so we’ll go with that.

$150 to first, $75 to second, $25 to third (this is how it was in the past). New this year will be $25 to the winner of the consolation bracket, and a $25 bonus to whoever gets the most regular season points (not record).

My favorite part about this setup? Someone could theoretically get first overall with a crazy 10-4 record, but maybe second in points scored overall, then lose two straight playoff games and finish in 4th. That person, who otherwise had a stellar year, gets $0. Tough, cupcake.

If anyone has major issues with that breakdown then piss off, I’m running the league, sugar go ahead and let us know your preference with a league message or something.

If you don’t pay by week 6, I’m locking your team so you cannot make any transfers.Your team will be unlocked when you pay in full. You know who you are.

Also, I plan on hosting a few watch parties at my place down in Renton this year. Kate and I are no longer living in a rat hole that barely has enough room for two people to sit down. The new place can host parties, so I’m taking advantage of it and inviting everyone who can come. First up? Come out and watch the Seahawks maul the Titans in week 6 (October 13, afternoon game). I’ll have more info on this later, but send me a text if you want to come.

Anyway, let’s get to the games!

Harbaughlls Deep v. Wait… what?
84.38 - 77.42

This was kind of a pillowfight, with Wait having the poor game of the week. It was a fairly understandable statline by Wait, since two of her players were hobbled by injuries. Fitzgerald was only able to catch two balls, while Lacy was literally knocked out of the game with a concussion/head injury. Of course, Brees had a bunch of struggles in Tampa Bay and AP somehow did not score a TD this week, so it wasn’t just the injuries, but they certainly didn’t help. Harbaughlls had a great game from Wallace (I guess complainers win sometimes?) and solid ones from Cruz and McCoy, on what was otherwise a forgettable day. Starting Kaepernick against Seattle’s D in Seattle was maybe a foolish choice, but one that didn’t doom Harbaughlls (I guess you gotta stay true to your namesake). Harbaughlls moves up to 2-0 while Wait ends up with the glut of teams at 1-1.

I Hate Brady v. YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!
108.08 - 77.71

PASS gets the loss in the other bad game of the week (just .4 better than Wait), sending Brady on to her first win of the year. PASS just had a bad week all over the roster. Luck, Foster, and New England held up their ends of the deal, but the rest was a mess. Bush, of course, was injured, but it didn’t help that he kept trying to play and lost a fumble. Just sit down and don’t kill yourself, man. On the other side, Brady benefited from great days by the Seattle D and Megatron (that’s more like it, dude!), with Bryant and Stafford stepping up to cover for the RB on IR (I’m watching you Jane…). Both teams are now at 1-1.

Third Down Punters v. Chicken Bo Jangles
79.06 - 79.93

This week’s Close Game of the Week was a couple of pillows duking it out. Less than a point separated the teams, with San Francisco’s defense doing just enough to pass the Punters and Boldin for the victory on Sunday night (the Punters are going to have bad dreams about Sherman for awhile). Brandon Marshall was the only player who really did well. Both the QBs struggled, each team had a decent and a poor RB, and the receivers didn’t do anything special. This was a case of “someone has to win it, even if neither particularly deserves it.” But these games happen, and Bo Jangles put out a better team, if only slightly better. Congrats. Bo Jangles moves up to 1-1, the Punters are at 0-2. They are 10th and 11th, respectively.

Rafi Bombs v. Foster the People
107.25 - 90.86

Rafi takes out Foster in this relatively boring matchup. Foster had good enough games from Newton, Nelson, and Austin, but the RBs didn’t show up and Celek was somehow completely MIA from the Eagle’s 30-point offensive showing against SD. Rafi had a weak day from Wilson but made up for it with D-Jax, Cobb, and Martin. It was just kind of a game that happened, that Rafi happened to win. Neither the Sunday night nor the Monday night game really affected the final outcome. Ho hum. Rafi improved to 1-1 while Foster is sadly in last place at 0-2.

ColDukeLacrosse v. Ayoba
119.31 - 115.97

These two powerhouses had a strong clash with ColDuke barely coming out the winner. Ayoba was led by a huge game from Rodgers, with Forte and Bennett (both from Chicago) giving great supporting performances. Gore had a pretty poor game in Seattle though. ColDuke used a big game from Graham to star in a complete performance as only Austin did not score in the double digits. ColDuke’s superior RB2 and Defense did enough to overcome Rodgers’s big day to earn the win. ColDuke powers to first with a 2-0 record, while Ayoba languishes at 1-1 and 8th place.

Concussion 4 Russian v. Simon’s Team
134.20 - 85.12

Concussion earns our Big Game of the Week in a huge beatdown of Simon’s squad. Simon’s guys didn’t do too bad, with Ryan, Charles, and Finley especially doing well. But Amendola was out again while White and Green failed to deliver. Concussion had the highest score of the week, but you’re not even going to challenge if your WRs can only put 8ish points combined on the board. Concussion scored so much mostly because of Beast Mode’s dismantling of the Niners in the second half, as he piled up 98 rush yards with 2 TDs and 3 catches for 37 yards and another TD. Those poor Californian souls, having to deal with so much noise, what a pity. (you’ll want to click that link) Griffin and Garcon were garbage time stars in a completely futile comeback effort, and Julio Jones showed why he’s now the man in ATL. Edelman wasn’t bad either. Concussion earns his first win to go to 1-1 and sits in 3rd place; Simon falls to 1-1 and sits in 7th.

WEEKLY AWARDS

Girthy Player of the Week: Aaron Rodgers. I suspect we may be seeing his name here often. Guy threw for 480 yards and 4 TDs (-3 yards rushing though) with no INTs. That put up 34.90 points. Pretty fantastic. (HMs: Vick had 34.39 points, a very close second; also Lynch)

Goat of the Week: Frank Gore. Now, I know, I know, his line didn’t give him any help, his QB didn’t give him any help, and he was on the road against the best defense in the league, but come on. You wanna be the lead back for a team that went to the Super Bowl last year, on a team formerly known for it’s superb running game? Well, you ain’t going to last long if you’re only gaining 1.8 yards per carry on 9 tries and you can only catch a single pass after being targeted 3 times. The Niners had a shot in this game if they could have gotten some points in the first half and done anything on offense in the second, but Gore was just bad. Shot his team in the foot and Ayoba’s chances in the foot. (Ray Rice would have earned it but I don’t know how much of his badness against Cleveland was due to his injury. I know he missed most of the 4th quarter, but his YPC was pretty bad before then too).

Bench Team of the Week: Chicken Bo Jangles. Not only did this bench outscore all other benches this week, the bench outscored Bo Jangles’ starters. Fortunately for Bo Jangles he still earned the win, or else it’d be a good case of woulda, coulda, shoulda. Moreno and Mendenhall were way better than MJD and Morris; Schaub definitely outshined Brady; and Jones led all of his WRs in scoring. A win’s a win, though. (HM: Concussion—because of course the highest scoring team had the 2nd highest scoring bench)

That’s about all for this week folks. Please set your lineups before tomorrow morning, get your payments in, and have fun.

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WEEK 1 WEEKLY AWARDS
The past couple of years, our highest scoring player earned the Symonator award. But with Symon back in the league, I’ve decided to use a different name, one that truly connotes how “big” of a performance the best player had that week. I call it the Girthy Player of the Week award. (Because we all know girth is what counts! Right?! Right? ……. right……………) This name is open to revisions though so if someone has a better idea, let me know.
Girthy Player of the Week: Peyton Manning. We all know he scored a bunch of touchdowns—7, to be exact—but did you also know that he threw for 462 yards? And threw no interceptions? And that, even with his -2 rushing yards, he scored 46.28 fantasy points? Crazy crazy stuff. (Honorable mentions: Manning, Kaep, Peterson)
Goat of the Week: As a refresher, when I am picking the goat of the week, I look for a few specific criteria. The first is that the player must score significantly lower than projected, which requires them to have a high projected score first. I ignore players who were injured (unless it’s their fault they got injured). I then look for players who, if they would have done even average, would have led their fantasy team to victory. Bonus points if the player screws over their real NFL team. Fortunately, this week there was one such player who fit ALL of those categories.
Say hello to David Wilson (that’s him in the photo, by the way, celebrating his 22nd birthday back in June). David Wilson had a pretty bad day, rushing for just 19 yards with no receptions. That would have put him at 1.9 points, far short of the 15.50 he was projected to score, and a candidate for Goat of the Week. But Wilson decided to really carry his team’s burden, losing 2 fumbles (two!) in the Giants’ loss to the Cowboys. Those two fumbles gave him -4 points, putting him at -2.1 points for the week. You have to imagine his real life team could have used the ball during at least one of those drives he killed, as they only lost by 5 points. I know that Foster could have used those points against Ayoba, as, without those two fumbles, Foster would have only lost to Ayoba by 2.4 points. If Wilson could have mustered just 5 points (which 37 other RBs were able to do) Foster would have won. That is what makes Wilson the Goat of the Week. (HM: Megatron)
Bench Squad of the Week: Wait… what? gets to be our bench team of the week. Eli Manning and Julius Thomas combined for well over 50 points, and the rest of the bench contributed to get her bench to a full 70 points. Very good work.

I hope everyone had a fun first week and are eagerly anticipating the second week kickoff. We’ve got a couple of weeks until byes hit, but make sure to pay attention to injuries until then. Oh, what am I kidding, if you’ve taken the time to read this, you’re paying attention to your teams. Now it’s the other owners I have to worry about…

WEEK 1 WEEKLY AWARDS

The past couple of years, our highest scoring player earned the Symonator award. But with Symon back in the league, I’ve decided to use a different name, one that truly connotes how “big” of a performance the best player had that week. I call it the Girthy Player of the Week award. (Because we all know girth is what counts! Right?! Right? ……. right……………) This name is open to revisions though so if someone has a better idea, let me know.

Girthy Player of the Week: Peyton Manning. We all know he scored a bunch of touchdowns—7, to be exact—but did you also know that he threw for 462 yards? And threw no interceptions? And that, even with his -2 rushing yards, he scored 46.28 fantasy points? Crazy crazy stuff. (Honorable mentions: Manning, Kaep, Peterson)

Goat of the Week: As a refresher, when I am picking the goat of the week, I look for a few specific criteria. The first is that the player must score significantly lower than projected, which requires them to have a high projected score first. I ignore players who were injured (unless it’s their fault they got injured). I then look for players who, if they would have done even average, would have led their fantasy team to victory. Bonus points if the player screws over their real NFL team. Fortunately, this week there was one such player who fit ALL of those categories.

Say hello to David Wilson (that’s him in the photo, by the way, celebrating his 22nd birthday back in June). David Wilson had a pretty bad day, rushing for just 19 yards with no receptions. That would have put him at 1.9 points, far short of the 15.50 he was projected to score, and a candidate for Goat of the Week. But Wilson decided to really carry his team’s burden, losing 2 fumbles (two!) in the Giants’ loss to the Cowboys. Those two fumbles gave him -4 points, putting him at -2.1 points for the week. You have to imagine his real life team could have used the ball during at least one of those drives he killed, as they only lost by 5 points. I know that Foster could have used those points against Ayoba, as, without those two fumbles, Foster would have only lost to Ayoba by 2.4 points. If Wilson could have mustered just 5 points (which 37 other RBs were able to do) Foster would have won. That is what makes Wilson the Goat of the Week. (HM: Megatron)

Bench Squad of the Week: Wait… what? gets to be our bench team of the week. Eli Manning and Julius Thomas combined for well over 50 points, and the rest of the bench contributed to get her bench to a full 70 points. Very good work.

I hope everyone had a fun first week and are eagerly anticipating the second week kickoff. We’ve got a couple of weeks until byes hit, but make sure to pay attention to injuries until then. Oh, what am I kidding, if you’ve taken the time to read this, you’re paying attention to your teams. Now it’s the other owners I have to worry about…

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WEEK 1 IS DONE!!
Welcome ladies and gentlemen to another year of Fantasy Football. We might already be into Week 2, but there’s still plenty of time for you to enjoy my ultra popular* Weekly Recaps. So sit back, keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle, and enjoy the ride…
*seriously I don’t believe that more than 2 of you read these, but here, we, go:
ColDukeLacrosse v. Chicken Bo Jangles108.92 - 74.29
Chicken Bo Jangles gets the ignoble distinction of starting out the year in last place. Boo hoo. Someone’s gotta bite the bullet. He got there by getting a nice round zero from James Jones, plus highly disappointing games from MJD, Bowe, and Morris. When your team is relying on Owen Daniels to be the big scorer…. well you’re a team relying on Owen Daniels as its big scorer. Enough said. On the other hand, relying on Peyton Manning as your big scorer seems to work out pretty well. Manning and Welker combined for over 65 points which was over 60% of ColDuke’s total. Not too shabby. It’d have been a more fun ride if anyone else could have done well, but sheesh, Miller, Spiller, and Shorts stunk up the joint. As mentioned, Bo Jangles starts the year in last; ColDuke sets off in 5th.
Foster the People v. Ayoba77.44 - 83.88
PILLOW FIGHT ALERT!!!!! I’m doing a new thing this year called the Pillow Fight of the Year award, given to the matchup where both teams are just absolutely terrible, but of course one still emerges the winner (as the Fantasy gods require). I expect some matchup will easily surpass this eventually, as anything over 80 isn’t awful, but this is what we’ve got so far. Foster got extra boned by David Wilson’s incredible ineptitude, handing him negative points. But no one else, save Jordy Nelson, really showed up, anyway. Ayoba got solid games from  few (Rodgers, Forte, Gore, Smith), but Sudfeld fell flat and the GB defense was terrible, which really kind of doomed him. Foster starts the season second to last (11th), while Ayoba gets to be the lowest ranked winning team, at 6th.
Rafi Bombs v. Harbaughlls Deep104.17 - 135.91
The Rafi Bombs played a solid game, scoring more than their projected 101, but ultimately fell short as Harbaughlls penetrated any hope Rafi had of starting the year on top. Wilson, Martin, and Johnson didn’t do quite as well as they could have, but Cobb, Jackson, and Cameron did do very well. However, Harbaughlls used the late games and Monday night to post big numbers, running over Rafi. McCoy, Cruz, and Kaepernick were all huge. Myers was even kinda good. Oh well. Rafi starts in 10th place while Harbaughlls sits in 2nd.
Concussion 4 Russian v. Wait… what?104.37 - 118.34
Anita, wait… no I mean Wait… what? earns* her first Fantasy victory by taking down Concussion. Concussion put up a fight, mostly through, uh, Jared…Cook? The random weird TE that played with TENN that everyone hyped up for awhile but fell sorta flat? Maybe he’s in a much better situation in StL? We’ll see. RGIII chipped in some neat points in garbage-esque time (but what counts counts). Anita rides along the studly back of All-Day Adrian Peterson (as well as the strength of her autodraft), but Brees and Fitzgerald showed they’re still highly fantasy relevant yet. Congrats Wait, you get to start in 4th place. Concussion sits at 9th.
I Hate Brady v. Simon’s Team118.39 - 119.09
This could very well end up being the close game of the year. Look at that, they’re just separated by 0.80 points. Crazy (I think it was closer before some point adjustments). Both teams were pretty good. Brady got pretty good stats from most of her roster (though whoa Megatron, what are you doing), but it was just barely not good enough. Simon (Symon?) squeaked out the win with Ryan Mathews getting the required points on Monday night. Simon’s team was mostly average, but my goodness Green is a monster. Brady drops back to 8th while Simon is in third.
Third Down Punters v. YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!136.55 - 137.55
Another ridiculously close game, this one separated by a single point. Both teams did pretty dang good. Mostly everyone on the Punters did well, Anquan Boldin especially taking advantage of the circumstances. McFadden also seems to be fantasy relevant this year. For PASS, Luck, D. Thomas, and R. Bush formed a nice little triad to score the majority of PASS’s points. The narrative of how PASS won? Arian Foster barely held off a late charge from Andre Johnson for the Punters. One more positive catch in that game and we might be looking at a different winner. Congrats to PASS for the big game of the week, and entering Week 1 as first overall. The Punters are the best team of the losers, starting this year in 7th place.

And that’s your Week 1 Recap! I’ll have the awards for all you heathens on Saturday.

WEEK 1 IS DONE!!

Welcome ladies and gentlemen to another year of Fantasy Football. We might already be into Week 2, but there’s still plenty of time for you to enjoy my ultra popular* Weekly Recaps. So sit back, keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle, and enjoy the ride…

*seriously I don’t believe that more than 2 of you read these, but here, we, go:

ColDukeLacrosse v. Chicken Bo Jangles
108.92 - 74.29

Chicken Bo Jangles gets the ignoble distinction of starting out the year in last place. Boo hoo. Someone’s gotta bite the bullet. He got there by getting a nice round zero from James Jones, plus highly disappointing games from MJD, Bowe, and Morris. When your team is relying on Owen Daniels to be the big scorer…. well you’re a team relying on Owen Daniels as its big scorer. Enough said. On the other hand, relying on Peyton Manning as your big scorer seems to work out pretty well. Manning and Welker combined for over 65 points which was over 60% of ColDuke’s total. Not too shabby. It’d have been a more fun ride if anyone else could have done well, but sheesh, Miller, Spiller, and Shorts stunk up the joint. As mentioned, Bo Jangles starts the year in last; ColDuke sets off in 5th.

Foster the People v. Ayoba
77.44 - 83.88

PILLOW FIGHT ALERT!!!!! I’m doing a new thing this year called the Pillow Fight of the Year award, given to the matchup where both teams are just absolutely terrible, but of course one still emerges the winner (as the Fantasy gods require). I expect some matchup will easily surpass this eventually, as anything over 80 isn’t awful, but this is what we’ve got so far. Foster got extra boned by David Wilson’s incredible ineptitude, handing him negative points. But no one else, save Jordy Nelson, really showed up, anyway. Ayoba got solid games from  few (Rodgers, Forte, Gore, Smith), but Sudfeld fell flat and the GB defense was terrible, which really kind of doomed him. Foster starts the season second to last (11th), while Ayoba gets to be the lowest ranked winning team, at 6th.

Rafi Bombs v. Harbaughlls Deep
104.17 - 135.91

The Rafi Bombs played a solid game, scoring more than their projected 101, but ultimately fell short as Harbaughlls penetrated any hope Rafi had of starting the year on top. Wilson, Martin, and Johnson didn’t do quite as well as they could have, but Cobb, Jackson, and Cameron did do very well. However, Harbaughlls used the late games and Monday night to post big numbers, running over Rafi. McCoy, Cruz, and Kaepernick were all huge. Myers was even kinda good. Oh well. Rafi starts in 10th place while Harbaughlls sits in 2nd.

Concussion 4 Russian v. Wait… what?
104.37 - 118.34

Anita, wait… no I mean Wait… what? earns* her first Fantasy victory by taking down Concussion. Concussion put up a fight, mostly through, uh, Jared…Cook? The random weird TE that played with TENN that everyone hyped up for awhile but fell sorta flat? Maybe he’s in a much better situation in StL? We’ll see. RGIII chipped in some neat points in garbage-esque time (but what counts counts). Anita rides along the studly back of All-Day Adrian Peterson (as well as the strength of her autodraft), but Brees and Fitzgerald showed they’re still highly fantasy relevant yet. Congrats Wait, you get to start in 4th place. Concussion sits at 9th.

I Hate Brady v. Simon’s Team
118.39 - 119.09

This could very well end up being the close game of the year. Look at that, they’re just separated by 0.80 points. Crazy (I think it was closer before some point adjustments). Both teams were pretty good. Brady got pretty good stats from most of her roster (though whoa Megatron, what are you doing), but it was just barely not good enough. Simon (Symon?) squeaked out the win with Ryan Mathews getting the required points on Monday night. Simon’s team was mostly average, but my goodness Green is a monster. Brady drops back to 8th while Simon is in third.

Third Down Punters v. YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!
136.55 - 137.55

Another ridiculously close game, this one separated by a single point. Both teams did pretty dang good. Mostly everyone on the Punters did well, Anquan Boldin especially taking advantage of the circumstances. McFadden also seems to be fantasy relevant this year. For PASS, Luck, D. Thomas, and R. Bush formed a nice little triad to score the majority of PASS’s points. The narrative of how PASS won? Arian Foster barely held off a late charge from Andre Johnson for the Punters. One more positive catch in that game and we might be looking at a different winner. Congrats to PASS for the big game of the week, and entering Week 1 as first overall. The Punters are the best team of the losers, starting this year in 7th place.

And that’s your Week 1 Recap! I’ll have the awards for all you heathens on Saturday.

Filed under Weekly Update

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A photo tribute to some of the players that won the championship for Suh Girls last year. Big Ben is too good for selfies apparently.

Congrats again Jamie.

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Championship Week Preview

Hey all, it’s the last week of the season! Sad times, I know. But we’ve still got a week’s worth of games ahead of us; I know I’m looking forward to it!

Foster v. Brady

We’ll start off with the battle of the featherweights. Both teams lost last week, meeting in their last chance to salvage a bit more pride from the season. I believe Brady will win, having Bush and a revitalized DeAngelo to go on the ground, and Cruz and Wayne and Hernandez ready to lead the aerial attack. Stafford will probably do better this week, and McCoy is ready to go should he be called upon. But the biggest reason she will win is probably because Foster has yet to swap out injured Ryan Mathews. After starting an injured RGIII last week, it’s a different major piece that sits in the starting position for Foster. Ridley would be the obvious replacement, and could give Foster the edge if he is given a chance.

Prediction: 87-102, Brady

Bo Jangles v. Concussion

Concussion, still smarting from just barely missing the playoffs, faces off against Bo Jangles, unquestionably the hottest team in the league right now. And it looks to be a strong matchup. Concussion is likely looking for Chicago to throttle Arizona, for White, Hilton, and Welker to go off, for Murray and Jackson to run it up, and Luck to, well, get lucky (I’m sorry, I’ll see myself out). It is a strong team with matchups that look good on paper, but that ignores that NO has a much improved defense over the past few weeks, Hilton is still an unreliable rookie, TB has the best rush defense in the league, and White is a little knocked up after having a terrible week last week. On the flip side, Bo Jangles is hoping the Brady/Lloyd connection continues strong, that AP and Knowshon have the huge days we expect of them, and Wallace, Gresham, and Crabtree do enough in support to earn the win and the moral superiority that comes with a 5th place finish.

Prediction: 115-109, Bo Jangles

PASS v. The Punters

Now we’re back in the playoffs baby. Both teams had disappointing week 15’s, falling quite short of the title game. The Punters, who just lost his first game since week 2(!), after having an awful week, is the favored team. Cleveland is a tough defense, but Manning should still be a good play at home. Green and Garcon should also be good plays facing so-so defenses with extremely important games to play, and I expect Martin and Rice to bounce back from absolutely terrible games last week. A big question I’m interested in is who is the best WR3 play… Alexander who didn’t show up at all last week, the emerging Josh Gordon, James Jones, he of 3 TDs last week, or Larry Fitzgerald, who is just too good to be playing this awful. I also wouldn’t be surprised to see New England switched in for Saint Louis, facing a weak Jacksonville offense.

On the other side of the ball, Ryan should be good for 20+ points, facing a Detroit defense that got worked by Arizona, strangely enough (it’s worth noting that Arizona had like, 3-4 TD drives of less than 15 yards). Thomas should eat up a good portion of any of Manning’s points, plus Bryant and Johnson are great WRs who have been very good lately. Richardson and McFadden are the question marks at RB. They might get swallowed up, for different reasons, or they might showcase their undeniable talents. Whatever happens, it should be a strong matchup.

Prediction: 112-135, Punters

Bane v. Suh Girls

Woo hoo! Championship teams! Well, one of them is. The other one isn’t. While we don’t know yet which is which, I think we all know whose team is the better team (hint: it’s mine). One way you can look at it is that Suh Girls would have beat Bane every week from weeks 1-6, except in week 2. But from week 6 on, Suh Girls would have beat Bane only once, in week 13, including last week’s playoff game. That’s an imagined head-to-head of 9-1 after week 6. Now, that doesn’t mean much, as who could have guessed that the Punters, after winning 12 straight, wouldn’t even score 70 points in the first week of the playoffs? But it certainly gives an idea of how to compare how the teams have been doing recently.

It’s probably not a coincidence that week 7 was the first week that Bane used Chris Johnson. CJ2k, if you recall, was Suh Girls’ first round draft pick this year, picked 7th overall. Bane traded Torrey Smith to Suh Girls for Chris Johnson after week 5. CJ2lame, as he was known at the time, had scorelines of 6.5, 3.4, 3.2, 16, and 1.2. I can imagine why Suh Girls was sick of him at the time. It was certainly looking possible that Chris was just about done being a starter, playing awful behind an awful Titans o-line. Smith may not have been had blue-chip trade value, but he had scored 23 against NE, and 15 points the game after, and it was looking that he was developing into a highly capable WR1 in Baltimore. Suh Girls needed help at WR, and I’m sure felt that he need to get what he could for Chris while he could. Of course, CJ2K would re-emerge, scoring double digits nearly every week from week 6 on, and he currently has the 12th most points of all RBs. Torrey Smith is 29th amongst WRs. Not awful, but not quite what Suh Girls was hoping for. Hindsight, of course, is 20/20. I certainly might have made the same trade if I was in his position. And you can’t question his decisionmaking, as he still ends up in the title game, facing off against me.

That, of course, gets us to the actual two teams that will be facing off. Suh Girls looks to send out B-Roth, V-Jax, Marsh, Lynch, Ballard, Gonzo, Avant, Forbath, and SD. A solid squad. Roth has scored 20+ in both games since returning from injury, though he faces a very improved Cincy defense. It’s worth noting he scored only 14 against Cincy last time, though he is at home this week, which could make a big difference. V-Jax is projected to score only 9, which just reflects how dependent he is on whether Freeman feels like being accurate that week or not. At home against a weakened StL secondary? V-Jax should be in line for plenty of puntos. Marshall has been pretty much automatic this year, racking up targets, catches, and yards like nobody’s business. Arizona has a pretty good defense, but Marshall should be good to go. I like Lynch at home against anybody, San Francisco being no exception. They should do okay against the read-option, but Lynch is just too good anyway. Ballard is a wild card. He’s scored 10+ points in each of the past 3 weeks, but he’s certainly not lighting up the scorecard. If Indy puts up big points, he could get a lot of work with the lead. After starting the season as easily the best fantasy TE, he’s cooled off significantly the past few weeks. If he scores a TD, he’s good for double digits. Otherwise, he could be merely average. Avant seems like a desperation play. He scored 12 against TB two weeks ago, but that’s his only double digit game this season. Who knows, with Foles starting, maybe Avant is his new target. San Diego should have plenty of fun against that mess in New York. This is a good team, with the potential to put up big points.

Bane comes into this game with a very strong team. Brees threw 4 TDs last week on the hapless TB secondary, though Jimmy Graham hasn’t benefited much lately from Brees’s excellence. I’m not sure this is the week he gets back on track, but he’s still an elite talent. Cobb enters this game as one of the biggest WR surprises, excelling in our format as the second-highest scoring WR. Julio Jones is pretty good too; he’s the 6th highest scoring. Chris Johnson we’ve talked about, though he’s on the road against GB and he only had 28 yards rushing last week besides his 94 yard run. Frank Gore is on the road against Seattle’s killer rush defense, which is always cause for concern. He did well against Seattle last time, and did well last week on the road in Seattle, so we’ll see. Stevie Johnson should be pretty good; who else does Fitzpatrick have to throw to? Connor Barth and Seattle round it out.

Prediction: 120-110, Bane

Thanks again everyone for sticking around all year. I know it hasn’t worked out for all of you, but next year is a new year! Have a merry christmas and happy holidays.

-Commish TK

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Week 15 Review

Well my friends, looks like some of us are moving on to the CHAMPIONSHIP!!! Woooooo SHIVABOWL!!!

Once you’re all done being jealous of me I’ll get back to the update. Again, I’m in the championship and you’re not (Jamie excepted).

Alrighty. Here we go:

Bo Jangles (6) v. Brady (7)

  • 135-99.9

Wow. I am sure thankful I didn’t have to face up against Bo Jangles this week in the playoffs. He fell one game short of making it in, with a very strong team lately, and it looks like his dominance is continuing, scoring the highest points the past two weeks. Bo Jangles was losing going into Monday Night, but the Tom-Lloyd-Crabtree explosion earned him 65+ points. Brady tried to keep pace with 26 from Hernandez and Moss, but it just wasn’t enough. She scored enough points to get the 4th highest total of the week, yet it was all for naught. Bo Jangles moves on to the Consolation Title match.

Foster v. Concussion

  • 67-91

Concussion had a fairly good day, just barely beating his projections to take down Foster. I don’t really have much to say about this game. Everyone was kind of average, though Murray and Jackson did pretty decent, T.Y. Hilton continues to emerge, and Gates actually had a TD. Foster started an injured QB, so I’ll give his team the amount of consideration that turd gave our league (Newton wouldn’t have changed the outcome, but it’s still turdy). Concussion moves on to face Bo Jangles for the coveted title of 5th place.

PASS v. Suh Girls

  • 88-103

And now, getting to much more important matters, our number 2 seed falls to the number 3 seed. As noted before, Suh Girls had a pretty significant leg up with the Cincy defense going HAM while Brown stayed quiet. Turned out that Eli and Smith would poop the bed, and Suh Girls would rely on some big plays later. Beast Mode provided that spark, rumbling to 18 points. Not an insane total, but enough to put Suh Girls 15 points clear of PASS’s final score. Though PASS had a decent day, he was seriously hampered by D. Thomas’s amazing suckitude: guy had a whopping 4 catches on 9 targets for a putrid 13 yards. Brown didn’t help, and neither did Malcom Floyd getting himself injured. Congrats to Suh Girls, who moves on to the championship game.

Bane v. The Punters

  • 116-66

Wow, that was fun. The Punters grabbed an early Thursday night lead with a solid 12 point contribution from Green, but once the Sunday games got under way, Bane pulled into the lead and never looked back. Peyton struggled while Brees threw 4 TDs, Doug Martin and Ray Rice couldn’t even combine for 10 points (of a projected 37), StL fell flat against Minny, and Alexander put the nail in the coffin of the potential comeback by scoring a nice, pretty zero. It was, by a wide margin, the Punters’ worst game of the year (next worse was in week 10 with 82 points), coming at the worst time of the year for the Punters. It was also the worst game of the week. As I said earlier, the vulnerabilities were there. I guess it was only a matter of time.

Of course, looking at it from another perspective, it was the best time of year for the Punters to stumble. Bane took care of business, getting good games from Brees, Johnson, Jones, and Seattle, plus solid performances from (most of) the rest of the roster. It was the second highest point total of the week, and exceeded Bane’s projections. Both teams could have added significant points from the bench, but in the end, it’s the decisions you make that count, not the ones you could have made. Bane moves on to the title game for the second time in three years, facing off against Suh Girls.

Weekly Awards:

Symonator: Russell Wilson. Would anyone have guessed that in any week Wilson would be winning this award? He was a third round draft pick! He’s not even 5’11”! But, sure enough, here’s Russ with the award, throwing for 205 yards and a score, plus 92 yards rushing and three more scores. That’s good for 39.40 points! Russ won it by a healthy margin, with 10 more points than the next guy, Mr. Drew Brees. Remarkable. (HM: Brees, Bradford)

Goat: Doug Martin. 9 carries for a measly 16 yards, plus 3 rec for 19 yards. A shockingly low output for Martin, especially playing in a dome against one of the league’s worst defenses. What a terrible game from him. He never got into a rhythm early and the Bucs fell way behind. Had he done better, it might have reduced the scores from Brees, Williams, and Graham (though making giving Barth something to do), though you never know. He (probably) couldn’t have won it himself, barring another 50 point game, but he still could have done his owner oodles better. (HM: Thomas, Alexander)

Bench: HALL PASS. Nearly every decision was wrong. Each of PASS’s bench players scored higher than someone starting where they could. Just switching Floyd and Brown out for McFadden and Bryant, a not unreasonable switch by any means, would have given PASS the playoff victory. Not to mention PASS had the most points on the bench of a team this week.

Conclusion

See you all next week! I’ll have a final game preview out, which will feature plenty more gloating, but also some fun analysis. Til then I suggest you check out this article, for those of you puny souls who are out of the contention: FANTASY FOOTBALL ZEN: NON-ATTACHMENT.

Thanks all.

-Commish TK.

Filed under Weekly Update

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Playoff Preview Part 2 — The matchups

Foster (8) v. Concussion (5)

Our first matchup pairs a guy who just barely missed the playoffs with a guy who just barely made the consolation. The first thing I note this morning is that Foster will be without the services of his usual QB, RGIII. Newton is a capable replacement though. Foster (the player) is also projected to outscore both of Concussion’s RBs combined. A key question will be whether White and Welkahhh play for Concussion, and, if they do, just how involved they will be.

The Luck—T.Y. Hilton connection could determine the result of this matchup. If they are both on fire, they could combine for 40-50 points, giving Concussion a huge leg up. Can Luck replicate what Henne and Brady did to the sometimes vulnerable Houston defense? We will see.

My prediction: 106-93, Foster.

Bo Jangles (6) v. Brady (7)

Oh how cruel Fantasy Football scheduling can be. Bo Jangles finished the season on a tear, closing it out with 5 straight wins, including an emphatic 134-124 win over playoff-bound Bane to close out the season. But his 2-7 start to the season doomed him. Checking back to the “Matchup” stats from that 7th loss, Bo Jangles would have actually been 7-1 going into that game had he played the Punters’ schedule. I guess that’s just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.

That’s just a long-winded way of saying that Bo Jangles enters this game as the prohibitive favorite. AP is firing on all cylinders, and Spiller is now free from Fred Jackson’s meddling. Brady continues to dominate, and Lloyd is finally a beneficiary of that action. The rest of the squad also checks out nicely, especially Detroit up against that mess we call the Arizona Cardinals. On the other side, Brady has a team that can be dangerous, though, as I detailed before, she has not won in awhile. Stafford could have a big day against that Cardinals D, and Wayne and Cruz are usually good for big points. Reggie Bush has had a few awesome games, though he hasn’t been that great lately. And Hernandez is capable of multi-score games if Brady decides he’s the flavor of the week. But injuries to Bowe and McCoy have pressed D. Williams and Randy Moss into starting roles, a couple of unreliable guys that I’m sure Brady is less than thrilled about starting. But this is the NFL, and you never know when some of these guys will go off.

My Prediction: 120-84, Foster

PASS (2) v. Suh Girls (3)

Now we’re into the juicy stuff. PASS and Suh Girls are primed for a great bout, and it’s already off with a bang. Cincy’s D lit up Philly for 23.5 points, while wunderkid Bryce Brown laid another dud, scoring only 4.6. For a guy that had two weeks with 25+ points, that dud comes at really the worst time possible. It’s going to be up to Ryan, Thomas, Johnson, and Richardson to make up lost ground. Suh Girls looks to be in a pretty good position, with the nearly 20 point head start, but things could get hairy if guys like Smith (only 1 game with more than 4 points in the past 4 weeks) and Gonzalez (5 games with less than 6 points this season) have poor days. Joique Bell, one of Suh Girls’ high-priced acquisitions this past week (seriously, go look at how much he spent on Bell and LaMichael James), looks to be good for a solid 10 points, judging by his past 3 weeks, but that streak could easily come to a close very quickly. Of course, with guys like Manning, Marshall, and V-Jax leading the way, you can afford to take a few chances.

My Predictions: 105-98, Suh Girls

Bane v. The Punters

Bane and the Punters face off in what looks to be the heavyweight bout of the week, as the teams are projected to score 111 and 112 points, the highest of any teams this week. Green is just off the pace, having scored 12.8 of a projected 13.7, from the Thursday night game. But Doug Martin and Ray Rice form a nearly peerless RB duo, and Garcon and Alexander have come on very strong lately. Oh, and Peyton was a shrewd late pick by the autodraft computer.

On the other side, Bane has the Brees-Graham connection, liable to explode at any point, and Chris Johnson with David Wilson (unencumbered by any rival NYG RBs) could be one of the most explosive RB pairs available. Julio Jones, Randall Cobb, and Mike Williams also represent some of the finest young WRs, though they may be somewhat unreliable on occasion. The wild card here is the Seattle defense. If they can have a game like last week, this one is probably over already. If not, this will still be a match for the ages.

My Prediction: 123-120, Bane

Good luck everyone!

-Commish TK

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Playoff Preview Part 1 — How we got here

First, this is a mea culpa. I dropped the ball there for awhile. I had time, at times, to write a weekly update, but I did not. I had time, at times, to provide some sort of salvation to your thirsty souls, but I stayed silent. I apologize. I am your commissioner, and I should have done better. But I have not been entirely inactive. I have secured a tentative verbal commitment from one Julia Pahlow to be our 11th member next year. So, assuming all you scabs come back, we’re already halfway to 12.

That being said, here’s a quick overview of how the season went.

Weeks 1-4:

After 4 weeks, we had 1 clearly good team: Concussion, who raced out to 4-0. Concussion would not finish the season so strongly. Suh Girls, PASS, and Brady were right behind at 3-1. Bane and the Punters were tied at 2-2, and ColDuke, Ayoba, and Chicken were already trailing at 1-3. Poor Foster was 0-4.

Highlights from those weeks included Brady’s 0.09 victory over Bo Jangles in week 1, Brady’s huge game in week 2 behind Reggie “ex-Kardashian” Bush to hold off Foster (the second highest scorer of the week), the Punters’ absolute explosion in week 3 to demolish Suh Girls by a 72 point margin, beginning his winning streak, and Brady again grabbing the biggest game of the week in week 4 to establish herself as a front runner in the early part of the season.

Weeks 5-8:

Things had shifted by week 8. Suh Girls and the Punters shared the top spot at 6-2, then there was a slew of teams at 5-3: Bane, PASS, Concussion, and Brady. Foster had a mean 3-game win streak to make it to 3-5, then ColDuke and Bo Jangles were at 2-6. Ayoba still only had 1 win.

Highlights included Brady scoring the 2nd highest in week 5 to sneak out a win over Ayoba, who scored the 3rd highest; Foster sneaking out his first week in week 6; Bane blowing up in week 7 for 140 points with new acquisition Chris Johnson to apply a beat down to Ayoba (the only other team to break 100 that week was Foster); and the Punters officially taking the mantle of Team to Beat in week 8 by supplying his own beatdown of Brady to the tune of 136-54, an 82 point win margin. That win margin was more than 4 teams scored that week, and only 2 less than another.

Weeks 9-11:

It was pretty clear who was going to be competing for playoff spots by week 11. The Punters were all alone out front, not having lost since week 2, with a 9-2 record. Bane and Suh Girls were right behind, both at 8-3. PASS held the last playoff spot with a 7-4 record. Concussion held sole possession of 5th, having a 6-5 record. Brady had slid back to 5-6, not having a single win in those three weeks. Foster and Bo Jangles were 4-7, and ColDuke and Ayoba were way back with 2-9 records.

While it wasn’t really close, the Punters and Bo Jangles combined for game with the highest total points scored in a single game of the year, with the Punters using Doug Martin’sridiculous52.50 points to back up a superb team effort. Bo Jangles tried to match with a very good 30+ point game from Peterson, but some of the other players couldn’t quite get it up for the game (though Bo Jangles would have beaten 6 other teams that week). Week 10 didn’t have many highlights, but a lowlight would be the Punters scraping out a victory with the 3rd lowest point total of the week to preserve their winning streak. Week 11’s highlight was probably Bane scraping out a victory on Monday Night over ColDuke with a meager, yet adequate, performance from Frank Gore.

Week 12:

PASS had the big game of the week, using Bryce Brown as the icing on top in a defeat of Bane, solidifying his playoff credentials. ColDuke iced Foster in a battle of the minnows. The Punters continued to win by beating up on Suh Girls. Bo Jangles took out Ayoba in another meaningless game. And finally, Concussion narrowly edged Brady 75-74 in a really rather sad game. Those two scores were the lowest of the week.

Standings: 1. Punters (10-2); 2.-4. Bane, Suh Girls, PASS (8-4); 5. Concussion (7-5); 6.-7. Brady, Bo Jangles (5-7); 8. Foster (4-8); 9. ColDuke (3-9); 10. Ayoba (2-10).

With only two games left, Brady and Bo Jangles were effectively eliminated, as were those who were worse than them. The last two games would be a musical chairs competition for who would be the odd person out.

Week 13:

Bane lost again to first place Punters, in a rather poor showing for two playoff-bound teams. PASS continued his strong run of form, doing circles around Foster with waiver-wire gem Brown. ColDuke added to Brady’s descent into misery, posting a 122-79 win in a meaningless game. Bo Jangles gave much needed aid to Concussion and Bane’s playoff hopes by dispatching Suh Girls, 89-83. Peterson was, unsurprisingly, the unquestioned star that week. And finally, Concussion ensured that Ayoba didn’t catch a break, bruising him in a 119-105 win.

Standings: 1. Punters (11-2); 2. PASS (9-4); 3. Bane (8-5); 4. Concussion (8-5); 5. Suh Girls (8-5); 6. Bo Jangles (6-7); 7. Brady (5-8); 8. Foster (4-9); 9. ColDuke (4-9); 10. Ayoba (2-11). These standings reflect the actual standings based on the points scored tiebreaker.

Even though Bane was on a 2-game losing streak, he was virtually guaranteed a playoff spot, since Concussion and Suh Girls would play in the final week (meaning one would have to lose) and Bane held a 100-total-point-scored advantage over both Concussion and Suh Girls. That would mean the loser of the Suh Girls-Concussion game would have to outscore Bane by the proper margin for Bane to be out of the playoffs. The result? Week 14’s matchup between Suh Girls and Concussion was simply the playoffs a week early for the two.

Week 14:

If you haven’t read Week 14’s recap, see it [here]. I’ll put this here while you go read it:

Playoffs:

I’m sure you can all see the matchups, and you know if you made it in or not. The Punters made it in on a 12-game win streak. PASS made it in on a 5-game win streak. They’ve scored the most and second most points in the league, respectively. Quite deserving. Suh Girls made it in for various reasons. The 10-2 start for one. The clutch performance in Week 14, for another. But I’ve got to point out that Suh Girls has only scored more than 100 points twice since week 7, and just came off a 3-game losing streak. Suh Girls has also scored less overall points than both teams sitting at 4-10. You do what you gotta do to make the playoffs, but you gotta wonder what might have happened with a slightly different schedule. Bane also backs into the playoffs with a 3-game losing streak, making it in primarily to a 5-game win streak from weeks 7-11. Bane also has the third highest overall points scored.

Concussion earns the highest seed in the Consolation for his efforts. Chicken completes a 5-game win streak, arriving at 7-7 and .500 at least a week too late. Brady finally saved some face, getting a win in Week 14 after a 7-game losing streak, to end up 6-8. Foster also narrowly edged ColDuke to make the Consolation, both with 4-10 and losses in Week 14, on a few points scored. Ayoba sat at the bottom, with a meager 2 wins on the season. Ayoba certainly wasn’t very good, but that record was probably pretty harsh as he only scored 45 points less than Brady over the full season.

Best of luck to everyone in their games. I’ll have a full, player breakdown preview out later.

-Commish TK

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Week 14

Yes, believe your eyes kiddos, after a 6-week hiatus, we’re back. With the playoffs coming up I’ve got a bunch more stuff coming, so here’s our Week 14 run-down. I’ll also be posting a “how we got here” post, and a playoff preview post, for your reading pleasure.

Ayoba v. I Hate Brady

60.93-114.20

Ohhhh Ayoba. Your season has just… wow… it’s been kind of terrible and there’s no hiding it. Not only did you score the least points of everyone in the league, you also had the 2nd most points scored against you. This week didn’t help. Celek got injured, Rodgers put up a decidedly underwhelming performance, Houston shat the bed against the Pats, and LeShoure and Colston didn’t live up to expectations at all. It was a season-worst performance for Ayoba on his last performance of the year. Hardly a good way to go out. I Hate Brady, well out of playoff contention herself, put up a solid performance, powered by a pair of competent RBs, a couple of good WRs, and a TE who doubles as a cook.

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Ayoba ends up a miserable 2-12, while Brady squeaks out a 6-8 record.

ColDukeLacrosse v. YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!

82.05-86.17

If you like eyesores and close games (like the Jets’ 7-6 win over the Cardinals a week ago), this was the game for you! With virtually nothing to play for—PASS had the #2 seed almost certainly locked up and ColDuke was merely fighting to stay in the Consolation bracket—PASS left it close until Monday Night, when Owen Daniels and Andre Johnson stumbled him across the finish line to sneak out a 4 point victory. The only real difference in this game is that PASS’s players sucked a little less than ColDuke’s. All I can really say good about the players is that Charles and Richardson showed up in their game against each other and did well. I can’t say any more about this game or else it’ll just make me depressed.

Concussion 4 Russian v. Suh Girls One Cup

85.98-117.30

And now we get to the only game of the week that really mattered. Since Bane was tied with these two teams with a sizable advantage on points scored, even a Bane loss would still almost certainly mean only one of these teams would advance. True enough, Bane lost and Concussion was still eliminated (would have needed about 90 more points than Bane). I was hoping for a close, exciting game for that last playoff spot, but instead Concussion pooped it up while Suh Girls showed what it meant to perform in a playoff environment. Luck didn’t come through and T.Y. Hilton certainly didn’t benefit. This was the type of day Luck had:

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The rest of his team was very blah. On the other hand, Suh Girls had a few players go HAM. I’m sure we all know Lynch tore it up with 100+ yards and 3 TDs during the Hawks’ systematic dismantling of Arizona, but did you know Manning (the younger—I’m not calling him “the better” anymore) threw 4 TDs and Marshall had his third 20+ point game of the season? Did you know that Marshall is our highest-scoring WR and V-Jax is our 8th highest? Remarkable. Congrats Suh Girls on making the playoffs—I hope it ends terribly for you.

Foster the People v. Third Down Punters

89.94-102.40

Getting back to disappointing seasons, poor Foster. Projected on draft day to go 13-1, things didn’t quite go as planned. Having the most points scored against you while you only score the 5th-most can sour that. This week was just a bit of icing on the cake. Sitting Newton while he goes off and RGIII gets injured and his backup leads a comeback is just a neat little kick in the balls from the fantasy gods. Foster and Maclin came to ball, but the rest of the team was like “ehhhhh, we’ll just let him back into the Consolation round.” The Punters continued their weekly dominance, getting a decent game out of Manning while Garcon, Martin, Rice, and Cleveland put up the numbers necessary for the win. Green was the only real surprising dud on the day. His day should have been better, lol:

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Oh well. The Punters advance to 12-2 and play Bane as the 1 and 4 seeds, respectively.

Bane’s Bruisers v. Chicken Bo Jangles

124.36-132.11

Well, I made him work for it, but Bo Jangles earned the Big Game of the week. AP had one of his regular ridiculous days and Wallace gained big points in trying to help PIT avoid an embarrassing score-line to SD. However, it looked like Bo Jangles might be headed to a big loss with Seattle absolutely destroying Arizona. Thanks guys:

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Cobb showed up as usual (would you believe it if I told you he’s the second-highest scoring WR in our format?), Gore did okay, and Julio Jones actually had a good week. But Brees wasn’t that good and Chris Johnson reverted to his early-2012 form, so it wasn’t meant to be. Oh yeah, that plus Tom Brady is a freak, and Brandon Lloyd scored ridiculous fumble recovery touchdowns and stuff. It was a great Monday Night comeback win, made all the more frustrating cause the Texans’ inability to hold the ball lost important games for me in two different leagues. Oh well, I’m still in the playoffs here. Good work closing out the season with a .500 record Bo Jangles, and congrats on the Big Game of the Week.

Weekly Awards:

Symonator: Seattle Seahawks, 43.5 pts. I don’t think anyone is surprised. That’s what happens when you shut out a team (14 pts), get 3 sacks (1.5), 4 INTs (8), 4 fumbles (8), and a pair of TDs (12). This was, according to various sources, the highest-scoring defensive performance since Seattle’s 2005 dismantling of the Philadelphia Eagles on Monday Night. I just love watching this defense go to work:

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To answer Bo Jangles’ question, no, they did not outscore all the Seahawks’ offensive players combined. Even just a group of the unowned Seattle players outscored the defense by scoring 45.38 (Washington, Turbin, McCoy, Miller, Baldwin, Flynn), plus the even the owned guys scored 45.65 (Lynch, Wilson, Rice, Tate). I think that just goes to show how many more points there are for the offensive players to score (though don’t tell that to Sherman, who gained me 23 in my IDP league). (HM: Newton, Wilson)

Goat: Bryce Brown. Yes, I know he’s entirely unproven, and yes, I know, he was facing the league’s best run defense, but damn it he’d scored 28+ points in both his previous games, and all he could muster was 6 yards rushing on 12 carries (0.5 YPC) plus two catches for another 6 yards, without a TD. Talk about a let down. PASS was fortunate enough to not have needed him, but that YPC really sticks out at me as absolutely downright terrible. (HM: PIT, C. Johnson)

Bench: Foster the Munchkins. Ridley should have replaced Mathews, Newton should have replaced RGIII, and Britt probably shouldn’t have replaced Decker or Austin, but it would have helped. That’s a cool 75 points on the bench, nearly as much as Foster scored total. Really, it’s Newton’s 37 bench points that stand out. Yikes.

Conclusion:

So we head into the playoffs. As mentioned, the Punters host Bane in the first matchup. PASS faces Suh Girls in the other. The consolation bracket sees Concussion play Foster, and Bo Jangles meets Brady. It’s elimination time folks. Ayoba and ColDuke are out already. Who’s going to take home the big prize?

Good luck everyone.
-Commish TK

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